Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in the_carvers' LiveJournal:

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
2:20 pm	Margarita says: Things That Are Stupid: 1. M. Night Shamalyan 2. M. Night Shamalyan's stupid movie 3. The stupid plot of M. Night Shamalyan's stupid movie 4. The teeth-grindingly stupid dialogue in M. Night Shamalyan's stupid movie 5. The A-list actors in M. Night Shamalyan's stupid movie for failing to realize how stupid the scrpit was 6. M. Night Shamalyan again, for his stupid cameo in his stupid movie God, it's been a while since a movie's stupidity has so offended me - I think because this one had so much backing and prestigious actors and a huge marketing campaign. So many people who could have said "No!" or "Stop!" or "At least write a second draft of this festering heap of bullshit so there aren't quite so many holes in the plot. Spoilers coming up? You bet! But I promise you that the very worst spoiler for The Village is when some asshole turns on the projector in the perfectly nice theater you've been sitting in. OK, so they decided to leave the cruel cruel world sometime in the early 70's and start over in a more innocent setting. 1. I'll believe that the women in the film were willing to go back to a gendered division of labor, but are we really supposed to believe they gave up EVERYTHING about the feminist movement? Clearly they did, because Shamalyan bothers to give Joachim Phoenix a whole speech about how he should lead in the relationship. Is that part of the message? The world would be better if chicks stayed in their place? Or are these morons so unimaginative that they couldn't change a few things and had to follow an exact copy of history? Either is possible in this incredibly plateheaded script. 2. That said, are we really supposed to believe that everyone in the entire fucking community gave up CONTRACTIONS? How exactly is the elimination of "don't" and "won't" from everyday speech supposed to make things more innocent? It just makes them slower. And who the HELL decided on their speech patterns? Assuming they did all get together and agree to talk all olde style, why on earth wouldn't somebody read a fucking book or two? WHY WOULDN'T THE SCREENWRITER READ A FUCKING BOOK OR TWO? People insist on talking about "The Ones We Do Not Speak Of" and then SECONDS later another character talks about how Phoenix and Adriem Brody have "bonded". Hey, idiot! "Male Bonding" came up as a term in the late eighties. Not only would someone from the 1890's not say that, REFUGEES FROM THE 70's WOULDN'T SAY IT EITHER. I repeat: read a fucking book. 3. The Elders decided that they could scare people into staying in the Village by dressing up in animal costumes FORVER? At what point would they start telling the younger generation? Did it occur to NOBODY that the kids would get pissed off about being lied to and try to leave? 4. I have news for Mr. Shamalyan: murder rates in hunter-gatherer communities are about the same as those in modern communities. Emotions crop up. People are imperfect. Somebody in The Village would have been killed sooner or later. But thanks for taking the time to demonize the mentally ill anyway. 5. There are NOT ENOUGH breeding adults to sustain a healthy community. Not even close. 6. OK, someone is finally going to the evil awful town where everyone gets robbed, raped and killed, so let's send the BLIND GIRL? Sure, two guys can go with her for a bit, but once she hits the city she's on her own. She's never seen a car or a crosswalk and she'll be asking random strangers for help. I'm sure she'll be fine. 7. AT NO TIME does Ivy's father tell her which way to go when she hits the road. 8. Nor does he bother to mention that she's going to have to climb a huge fucking wall. 9. Does anyone else get the feeling that the whole ridiculous It's-really-set-in-modern-times twist is just so that M. Night Shamalyan can work in one of his stupid, excruciating, couldn't-act-if-you-put-a-gun-to-his-head cameos? There is a REASON Hitchcock used to just walk through the frame. 10. And is he really saying that it's better for William Hurt to take his BILLIONS of dollars and retreat from the world with a few select friends rather than endow some schools, start some drug rehab centers and try to make the world a better place for everyone? No, he's right: MUCH better to spend a kazillion dollars to bribe the government so planes won't fly overhead. 11. Exactly WHEN did these people become master furniture craftsmen and build perfect dry-stone walls? 12. If you're going to make a scary monster movie, make a scary monster. Please. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, April 26th, 2004
7:50 pm	Margarita As we discussed on the phone, the sex scene in "Taking Lives" is vile, vile on so many levels. Initially I was most annoyed at the, as my dear colleague puts it, "high-school male fantasy"-style sex, in which Angelina Jolie is completely naked and Ethan Hawke is fully clothed - one wonders if his character could even get his dick all the was out - but over time I've come to be more offended by the poor quality of the sex. He enters the room, doesn't even kiss her, exposes her breasts and then slides (How?! When did this woman have time or cause to produce lubrication?) his dick right in. It's bad enough to produce a crappy movie with a plot that doesn't hold to its own logic, and it's damn close to criminal to so thoroughly waste Genna Rowlands, but trying to tell the world that sex that bad is acceptable bedroom technique is inexcusable. (Comment on this)